Drawing Lines

Hello, favorite people!

There have, again, been a lot of things that I've wanted to blog about lately and I haven't. It's been mostly rebuttals to blog posts or articles I've read or that have been "shared" to my news feed on Facebook. They would be well worded, well thought out, well written with correct grammar... but would they be well received? Would the point I was trying to make actually be conveyed? Probably not. Probably, I would just wind up making more people mad at me. It's not even that I don't want to say things. I do! I really do. But I want people to feel my passion on a subject and UNDERSTAND me. I haven't had a lot of good experiences with the written word in that regard. So, what I think I'll do instead is my own take. My own "What I've Learned So Far In Life" subject matter. I'm tired of reading about "25 Things Every Woman Should Do Before She's 25" or "My Religious Beliefs Are Better Than Yours"... I'm not here to offer advice to anyone, really... but I've definitely learned some things along the way.

Some Things I've Learned:
1. Trust someone until they become untrustworthy.
This is not a hail for "the other shoe to drop" point of view. I've learned that people should be trusted completely, but only as long as they prove to be trustworthy. This is also a multi-area lesson. Some people can be trusted as a whole. Others, you can trust with certain subjects, but not all. Some people need to be cut out and never trusted again. When you have people you can trust wholeheartedly and with completely everything, KEEP THEM CLOSE. Maybe marry them. When you have people you can trust with some things and not others, ONLY trust them with THOSE CERTAIN THINGS. I absolutely have learned that not everyone deserves all my confidence. Lastly, I've learned to remove toxic people from my circle of trust. I may still have to interact with them. I may still have to work with them (or for them). I do not trust them. This is okay, for me. Thankfully, I've been able to completely remove the most toxic people, so far. I'm not afraid anymore.

2. Marry the right person, at the right time, for the right reasons.
There's no way to generalize about relationships. No two people are the same, so how can any two relationships be the same?? One thing I detest is the idea that getting married can somehow hold a person back. I got a lot of this when I got engaged and married as young as I did (married at 23). The fact was, yes, I was young. Sure. I see that in my rear view mirror as being a young age when I got married. Too young? Absolutely not. I married Husband at exactly the time we were supposed to be married. We followed the Lord's leading, questioned him, heard from him, trusted him. We married because we knew without any doubt that Jesus had put us together. There's a lot of back and forth about "soul mates" and whether people "believe" in them or not. I think it's a kind of weird word for what happens when two people who are meant to be a team in Christ realize that they've found their teammate. I also think there's always a "good, better, best" for our choices, and I don't think everyone chooses the "best" option when they choose their spouse, but maybe the "good" option. For me, going through life with Husband can get difficult enough, so I'm glad to be able to know without a doubt that he is THE BEST option for me. I also choose him every day and make myself SEE and ACKNOWLEDGE that he's the best option for me. There's nothing about being married to him that "holds me back". In fact, together, we've encouraged the other to further pursue and realize dreams. We understand that part of the joy and the sweetness of the prize is that we did it together. It's great for someone to have your back.

3. After high school is over, being a certain age doesn't mean anything about where you are in life.
I'm 26. That tells people who don't know me exactly nothing about me except the year I was born in. Being 26 doesn't mean anything. Being married defines a whole lot more of my adult journey than being 26. So does being a singer and a voice teacher. So does being the youngest in my family. So does being the youngest of an all-girl family. I know couples younger than us with 2 and 3 and 4 kids. I know couples older than us with no kids. I know couples who are married longer than us with less problems. I know couples who have been married shorter than us with more problems. I know people who are older than me who are single. And younger than me who are single. My point is that I've learned not to generalize by age. The cliche that "age is just a number" really applies. There's nothing that says that you're mature because you've turned 30. There's nothing that says that you can't make wise decisions because you're 18. And for that matter, really stupid decisions at 50. I've learned that getting to know people as PEOPLE tells you a lot more about them than their age. Novel!

4. It's okay to change your mind when you learn more things.
There's a stubborn streak in the modern day. You have to MAKE DECISIONS and STICK to those decisions. I've learned that with most things, when you learn more about a subject and it makes you think twice about the stand you took before, it's okay to change your mind. There's a lot I wish I could tell Young Bianca about those black-and-white statements she made all the time. I'm not saying everything is a shade of grey, by any means; that's just wishy-washy. However. It's just plain stubborn and ridiculous to learn more about something and not even think about letting new information change your mind. There's a lot to learn out there. It's also really great to have people in your life who aren't always going to agree with you. There's a lot to learn from a person who respects you and shares a different opinion than yours. For one, it doesn't end in a screaming match. Because THEY RESPECT YOU. And you in turn RESPECT THEM. I've learned that a little bit of close-mouthed listening goes a long way. They may actually say things that make a lot of sense. They may make me think about things a different way. They maybe, just maybe, make me change my mind about something. That's good.

I'm gonna stop with four. Why add a fifth if I don't want to, eh? Anyway. This is in no way advice of any kind. Take it or leave it, it's just four things I've learned. Maybe someday I'll do some rebuttals. I like a good point-by-point dissection as much as the next person, after all.

Hoping your days are full of wonder and resilience,

love,
Bianca