The Corset Movement

I sincerely believe we should bring corsets back.

Now, before you stop reading this because you're thinking, "What? How is a corset any better?" or "Who would want to wear that??" or really any other complaints, hear me out. I think we've just traded the corset for various other undergarments that are infinitely more deceptive and less comfortable. I've spent some time thinking on this. My point are thus:

1. Push-Up Bras.
There is a multi-million dollar franchise that consists of convincing ladies with very little on top to wear a push-up to make them look bigger. However, thanks to Keira Knightly as Elizabeth Bennett (Pride and Prejudice) and Elizabeth Swan (Pirates of the Caribbean series), we know that this can be achieved with a corset. Even No-Knockers-Keira pulled off a shadow of cleavage in P&P, and we know that they're painted on in POTC, but even so, there's a little if you look from the side. If you want the ultimate push-up experience (and without leading the gents on a wild goose chase for that extra 3 inches of boob they thought they were getting), corset is the way to go.

2. Spanx.
Yet another multi-million dollar company telling the other half of ladies that what they've got is too much and they need to suck it in to look sexy. We know the truth. Any of us that have used Spanx or other contraptions commonly known as "slim wear" knows that the process of trying to squeeze into skin colored shrink wrap is the least sexy thing you'll ever do in this life. The ones that have been designed to look sexy don't do a thing, have you noticed that? It's always the beige ones that have the most suck-in-ability. Think how great it would be if you could just put the thing around you and lace it up to the suck-in level of your choice! Oh wait, that's a corset.

3. Strapless bras.
Yet another contraption used to torture women who just want to wear a strapless dress or something without sleeves. Strapless bras have to be the bane of womenkind (who wear bras). Everyone knows the support of a bra should come from the band, not the straps... so why don't strapless bras ever work?!!? You spend the evening in a tug-of-war between pulling your bra up and tugging your dress down after you pull your bra up. Which is every 5 seconds. Wouldn't it be great if you weren't always disappointed by a 2-and-a-half inch support line at the most awkward point in your back? I'd love something that extended like 10 or more inches to create the ultimate support... and that's a corset.

Now imagine wearing a strapless push-up bra with Spanx and you have described 90% of date nights in a modern woman's life. Nightmare. Now see my pros.

1. The marriage of function and seduction.
The truth is, corsets are of course still around, but they've been exiled to lingerie, where undergarments go to die. In actuality, they're the most functional and practical undergarment you could find, PLUS they're sexy! Bras and shape-wear totally miss the mark on this one. As previously mentioned, it's always the flesh-toned monstrosities that actually get the job done (aside from push-up bras... those come in every color and style EVER).

2. No "Bridget Jones" gaffs.
Why do we wear the above contraptions, ultimately? To look or feel better about ourselves, fit in clothes better, or (the secret shallow shame) to impress others. We don't want anyone to see us put these things on. We want them to see the results! (Just ask yourself if you put on Spanx in front of a mirror, or if you've ever been afraid of a guy seeing you without your push-up bra...) The thing about corsets is that they're just as good looking coming on and off as the result you want others to see. (I'm not talking about the hook-and-eye ones that are just corsets desperately trying to fit into today's bra-ciety. I'm talking laces.)

3. Did I mention they're already strapless? They are. And one more for good measure,

4. We've had bras for around 70 years. Corsets were around for the previous 700. Old, young, big, small, poor, rich, all corseted. What do we think we've gotten right in the last 70 years?!? There needs to be some big changes in bras and shape-wear to change my mind on this because bras suck. They suck so bad. No one wears the right sizes to begin with and they just make you have terrible posture during your most developmental years.

Bring back the functional corset! Bosoms should be high and mighty! Burn the bras and Spanx and other forms of torture!

Now, if I could just get the rest of the country behind Regency era clothing, life would be perfect. That's a topic for another day.

Love to you ladies,
Bianca

p.s. confession: I own one, sad, old, beige, hook-and-eye corset that they don't even make the style of anymore and I still have to wear a bra with. How I long for the all-in-one glory of a real corset! If you know of a company that "makes 'em like they used to", please direct me to them!